My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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