Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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