Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
