im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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