I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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