So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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