There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
