It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
