are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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