she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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