You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
a search helicopter?!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't turn off my feet"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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