shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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