David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
