Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
