All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
