Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
