I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This baby is an asshole
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
