so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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