It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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