Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
