Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize