Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
