I wish I could punch you in the face.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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