it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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