Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
