3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
