I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
