I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
