Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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