you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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