On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
