he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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