Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
