i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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