He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
