god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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