Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
