I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
