Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Farmville is her only friend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
