Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
