there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
