just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
