So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ok first of all what the fuck
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
