He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
