Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
