now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
