i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
