So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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