Cold hands, warm shart.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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