So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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