My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
