We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
