ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
