I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
