You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
