all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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