Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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