Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
