The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
