We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
