We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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