Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
