So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
