the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
