Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
